The Competition of Motherhood

Warning: Sometimes things get me all riled up and I feel the need to express my opinions. This post is one of those times. Please don't take this personally.

Over the last few weeks I have had several experiences in which I have overheard conversations, been part of conversations, or just been told that they way I do things as a mom are wrong, bad for my child, or incorrect. Some of these have really bothered me and some I think are totally ridiculous. However, all have  led me to wonder, when did motherhood become a competition? I feel like many times I am a witness to actions or conversations of women who try to prove that they are the best mom out there because of the things they do for their kids. I try to keep things simple, which sometimes mean taking what some would call the "easy" route. Here is a small sampling of things that often seem to come up as competition factors:

1. Childbirth:  Childbirth is not a competition to see who is the strongest or who can go through the most pain or who does it in the most natural way possible. I liked my doctor and I liked the hospital and I loved my epidural. LOVED it. I'll probably have one with the birth of each one of our children. If someone asked, I'd recommend it, but I also understand that some people don't want one. That's fine, I don't care- but please don't tell me that an epidural is unsafe for my child, that it is not natural, and that I would have had a much better experience without one. You can call me a wimp or call me uneducated about the hazards of the medical world, but please don't tell me I have done things wrong because I did it differently than you.

2. Food: My children will not eat all natural, all healthy, all organic, all whatever you want to call it food. Summer has already tasted in the goodness of white flour and sugar. Someday she will have potato chips, soda, processed cheese, and all sorts of things that are bad for her. However, the goal is that her diet won't be made up of these things entirely and that she has them in moderation. We strive for a diet that is balanced-where we eat lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and home cooked meals that don't have a lot of processed foods. I'm sure there are some organic and "all natural" (whatever that really means) foods that are better for you than the average, but they are expensive and many of them have been proven not to make a difference. There is always room for improvement, but I feel like we do a pretty good job of eating a healthy diet. So please don't tell me that my children (or me, for that matter) are going to be diabetic by the age of 30, that we are going to die young, have major ailments, or just be sick all the time because of our diet. So far we're doing fantastic.

3. Way of Life: Mom's don't leave the house looking for advice. I've not been one for very long-10 months is all-so I'm still learning how to be one. I've made many make mistakes and I'm sure I will make many more. Please let me make them and don't tell me that I am doing things wrong. If I really am wrong, I'll figure it out pretty quick. Often what I am doing "wrong" really isn't wrong, it's just different from what you would do. If I want advice, I'll ask those people I trust. Thanks to my mom and the rest of my family I have a lot of wonderful mothers that I can go to. I've seen the fruit of their labors-and they are all pretty amazing. I have a great family-really, they're awesome. I wish everyone could hang out with them and know how awesome they are.

4. Education: My kids are most likely going to be enrolled in the public education system. I'm a big advocate of it. I know better than most that it currently has some major issues (that's a whole different blog post) and that there will be some rough patches in the next 10-20 years with what happens to education in our country. I recognize that there are special situations in which kids need to be put in specialized schools or be home schooled, but I think they are far and few in between-especially when I live in a state that has decent schools. They aren't top performing schools, but they aren't inner-city schools either. Please don't assume that I don't want my kids to have the best education they can get, that I think they aren't gifted enough to be in a special school, or that I can't handle homeschooling (which might be true) because they go to the local elementary school. I have many reasons as to why I think they should be in public schools and will stick to that unless we have extenuating circumstances.

So to all you moms out there who are a little more like me, who try to keep things simple and use disposable diapers, who use big tubs of generic laundry detergent, and will keep your kids up past their bedtime to do something fun-you're not alone. We may not have perfectly clean homes and our kids might have too many treats while on vacation. So long as we teach our children how to respect, serve, and love others, and how to live a moral life, they will turn out great!